DON'T MESS WITH THE HOLY OFFICE

The following post may be considered painful, graphic, or otherwise prove repulsive.
We recommend sensitive readers to stay away from it.

This post is dedicated to the never expected
SPANISH INQUISITION!
Let us start with a reference in Shakespeare's play The Winter's Tale:
The premise: in the kingdom of Bohemia (modern-day Czech Republic), boy meets girl (at harvest festival). He is royalty, while she is a shepherd lass (actually, an estranged royal child, adopted by a peasant family). A courtier is keeping an eye on the young lovers, and thus he informs His Majesty of the upcoming mesalliance. Threats imposed by the Crown on the heroine's relatives, should the fated marriage take place, ensue (in Act IV, Scene 4). The nastiest one of them, in my opinion, is the probable (but never carried out) fate of the Young Shepherd (or Clown), Perdita's foster brother...

who shall be flayed alive; then 'nointed over with

honey, set on the head of a wasp's nest; then stand till he be

three quarters and a dram dead; then recovered again with

aqua-vitae or some other hot infusion; then, raw as he is, and in

the hottest day prognostication proclaims, shall he be set

against a brick wall, the sun looking with a southward eye upon

him,—where he is to behold him with flies blown to death.

Glossary to understand the text 

• 'nointed: anointed
• three quarters and a dram dead: comatose, in a deep state of unconsciousness
• recovered: revived
• aqua-vitae: brandy (French eau-de-vie) (Norwegian aquavit)
• hot infusion: distilled liquor
• prognostication: weather forecasts
• the sun looking with a southward eye upon him: the youth shall be chained facing south, for the midday sun (at 12:00 AM) to shed its light directly on his body. The bugs would come attracted by the honey, and they may lay their eggs on his searing, blazing frame, where the larvae would certainly hatch. The larvae would gradually consume his flesh from within. Add this to the searing heat and excruciating pain... Could I have some more aqua-vitae?

Reaction of the Clown or Young Shepherd:
Give him (the courtier) gold. Show the inside of the purse to the outside of his hand, and do no more. Remember "flayed alive".

Shakespeare scholars remark that this was a punishment used by the SPANISH INQUISITION on HERETICS. Some of the spectators must have shuddered indeed.

The scenario practically writes itself, especially in Thermidor (mid-July through mid-August). Flayed alive and anointed with honey, that nest of wasps --thirsty wasps drawn to sweet drinks, such as the mix of blood, perspiration, and honey-- hanging overhead. When the victim is unconscious, recover to consciousness with strong drink --in the evening or night, I may guess, for a shot of liquor in the middle of a hot summer day makes anyone go out like a light!--. Then, the next day around at twelve or one --here in the Mediterranean, summers are pretty hot, but landlocked Bohemia is not that refreshing in Thermidor either!--, tied to the wall, raw and half-dead, for pregnant female houseflies and horseflies, especially the latter, to lay their eggs in the raw flesh of the heavily sunstruck victim, who must have also been thirsted to death throughout the procedure.


I have also previously blogged on Schwedentrank or Schwedentrunk as well:

Il achevait sa réflexion, lorsqu'un soldat entra, et lui 
dit, le sabre à la main : -- Goûte cette eau !
— Oui, mon ami, répondit le gouverneur en remplissant un 
verre qu'il vida d'un seul trait, quoique l'eau ne 
fût pas sa boisson favorite. 
— C'est bien, dit le soldat,  qui se retira en fermant la 
porte sur le gouverneur. 

" Qu' attendent-ils encore de moi, pensa le gouverneur, 
puisque l'épreuve est faite ? Pourquoi me laisser ici?... 
c'est sans doute par erreur... " 
Un second soldat paraît. 
-- Goûte cette eau ! s'écria-t-il en brandissant une lance 
sur la tète du gouverneur. 
— Mais j'ai déjà bu... 
— Goûte cette eau ! te dis-je. 
Le gouverneur ne résiste pas à un ordre si poliment 
exprimé; il boit un second verre d'eau. 
-- A merveille! a fût le soldat, qui s'en va comme le pré- 
mier, après avoir eu soin de fermer la porte de la cave. 

" Qu'est-ce à dire?" murmure le gouverneur; "celui-ci 
aussi m'enferme! Quand m'en irai-je donc?"
Un troisième soldat survient, armé d'un pistolet. 
Même ordre impératif. 
-- Goûte cette eau! 
— Mais infailliblement j'étoufferai, si cela continue. 
— Veux-tu y goûter!?
Le gouverneur Infailliblemsnt avala avec mille gri- 
maces et mille contorsions le troisième verre d'eau. 
Cette eau était horriblement glacée. 

Arrive un quatrième, arrive un cinquième, un 
sixième, arrive un douzième soldat!

Douze verres d'eau ont déjà passé par le gosier et 
clapotent dans l'estomac de l'infortuné gouverneur. 
Il n'en peut plus; il souffle, 
son ventre est tendu et rond comme un ballon. 
Pourtant il faut qu'il boive encore! Il le faut! 
Toujours ce même commandement gronde à ses oreilles 
entre des piques de fer, des bâtons rugueux, des épées et 
des mousquets gorgés de balles. 

-- Goûte cette eau ! ou bien... mille morts ! 

Enfin, au dix-huitième verre, écrasé par cet excès d'eau 
froide, le gouverneur tombe par terre, à la joyeuse et 
brutale satisfaction des soldats qui l'avaient abreuvé. 
Nous saurons plus tard s'il en mourut. 
After which comes my review of the PEAR
(This pear is no fruit)

Now you'd go "Oooh! A metal pear!"

Yes, this is a metal pear. Not only that, but also the Swiss Army knife of the Holy Office.

The pear was shut, thrust inside an orifice, and then slowly opened by means of the screw on the top.

It was inserted into witches' vaginas, into gay men's rectums, and down the throats of heretics.

Not quite pleasant in either case!